Practice, practice, practice.

I was heading to Masterson's for a luncheon meeting today, and I was a little foggy on my directions. I haven't been to U of L in a long time, and as fast as its changing these days, you really need a map to get around.

Anyway, I took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up in the midst of campus. I figured I would see something that looked familiar soon, so I just kept driving. I got stuck in a parking lot, got turned around and ended up behind some dumpsters. I wasn't getting anywhere.

I finally recognized the Cardinal Inn, and saw some guys taking out the trash, I rolled my window down and said: "Excuse me, do you have any idea how I can get out of here?"

The guy said: "Well, first you have to study real hard and get good grades."

I left them laughing really hard. What is wrong with you people?

Free the donuts!

I was surfing MSNBC news, and I saw this story on a senior citizens center in New York. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20942178/from/ET/ Apparently senior citizens can't figure out how to eat healthy, so the city is going to control the amount of donated baked goods and pastries they get.

If these people are really concerned about health issues, why don't they look at what firefighters and policeman eat. I think it would be more important for the people who save lives to be in better shape than Grandpa. I don't want my firefighter giving out on me 3 floors up because he ate too many donuts. I don't think Grandpa's eating habits have the same impact.

So I guess you better not get caught giving Grandma donuts anymore, you might get taken out by those donut loving police officers. What is wrong with you people?

I'm mad at George but which one?

Lately, I have been having dreams about George, and not the good kind either. When I sleep with socks on and my feet get hot I tend to have these weird dreams. These dreams seem to be following a pattern, he invites me to something, and then ignores me when I get there. Or he doesn't notice me at all.

Last week in a dream he asked me to meet him at some fancy fundraiser. When I got there he was seated already at a full table. He told me I could sit at the table behind him by myself. In my dream Lynda made him move over and get me a chair so I could sit at the same table with them (thanks Lynda). Then I woke up mad at him. I think he deserves it.

Last night I dreamt about George Clooney and at first I thought what a welcome relief. Here is a good looking George that I am not mad at. It was a very detailed dream, I know what I was wearing, (a beautiful blue dress), and where we went to eat, (Limestone).

In this dream he picked me up in a cool sports car and we went to dinner. I remember thinking in my dream that this was going to be good. A good looking guy, nice car, I look nice, everything is in place for a most excellent dream.

Then George Clooney began to talk, and all he talked about was his pet pig. He went on and on about the darned thing. What color ribbon he liked to put around its neck. How he liked to bathe it in his hot tub. Things I don't really want to know about old George and his pig. I remember looking at my dress thinking it was wasted on this guy, if all he was interested in was pot bellied pigs.

I woke up mad again. Thanks George! What is wrong with you?

Menu? What menu?

George, the boys and I went to Just Fresh Bakery Cafe for lunch after church today. I know the place has been around since early this year, but we hadn't gotten there to eat until today. We ordered a nice assortment of soup, wraps, sandwiches and a pizza for Matt.

The place was cute, the menu was displayed in a number of prominent places. I like that, it makes it easier for the kids to decide what they want if they can see the menu right off. They didn't have any trouble picking out what they wanted.

As I was paying for our order, a young couple came in. The young woman walked right up to the cashier, almost pushing me out of the way and said: "Do you have any banana peppers?"
No, "excuse me", or "Hi" or any greeting at all. Just "do you have any banana peppers?" The cashier and I exchanged glances, as she replied: "yes we do."

The young woman then asked: "Can you make me a wrap?" The cashier looked confused, then pointed to the menu overhead where it was plainly marked wraps and sandwiches. "Sure, just pick out the one you want, and we can make it the way you want."

The young woman paused for a moment then said; "What if I want a sandwich?"

I thought the cashier was going to laugh in her face. Really, what is wrong with you people? Read the menu already, you just walked right past three of them.

I'm really not stalking you.

Dear Person who is growing tomatoes near Matt's school;

I like to grow tomatoes too, and this year its been hard to get some good ones. What with fighting the squirrels, chipmunks and birds, its hard to harvest any without little teeth or beak marks on them. The drought and heat has been bad too.

My tomatoes don't like the weather much this year. Yours, though, seem to be doing really well. As a matter of fact, your seem to be full of red, ripe, juicy tomatoes. Its too bad you don't seem to notice this bountiful harvest. I know they are growing on the opposite side of your chain link fence from your yard, but really, they are nice tomatoes and deserve attention too.

I have watched these tomatoes grow every day since school started, and they have turned out dandy. If they were mine, they would have been BLTs a week ago.

The vines are turning brown now and those tomatoes are going to waste. What is wrong with you people? Get out there and pick those tomatoes already.

Sincerely,
Deanna

I need a taser.

I saw that video of the college kid who got tasered. This University of Florida student was trying to ask a question. He was actually trying to cause a scene. He went over his time limit and when they asked him to leave, he refused. Of course security came to get him. He broke the rules! Then, when security tries to get him to leave, he balks. Then the tasers come out.



If he was my kid, I would have tasered him too. Anytime you break the rules, and then get belligerent about it, you pretty much deserve what you get. If a security guard grabs my elbow and asks me to leave, you better bet my butt is out the door. But then I don't usually break the rules either.

Anyway, I think I need a taser too. It would come in pretty handy at home. Kids leave their dishes on the counter... I just zap 'em. George doesn't take the garbage out... pzzzt! Back talk? I don't think so... vzzt!

What is wrong with you people?

Everybody wants to be a blogger.

I love my blog, the response has been amazing. I have gotten lots of suggestions about what to write about. I guess a lot of people wonder what is wrong with everyone. It's nice to know I'm not alone. Here is a short list of common subjects people want me to write about.

Squirrels (rats with fuzzy tails or tomato eating predators)
The car rider line, again. ( its elementary my darlings)
People who curse when calling radio shows (what did they say?)
Four board fencing (its nice for horses)
Celebrities (I am not one)

I like getting feedback, it makes me feel connected with a larger group of people. These are good ideas and I will try to use the ones I know I can write about. I feel a certain responsibility to write about things I know about. It's not always easy to come up with good ideas, but then worthwhile things aren't usually easy.

So, what is wrong with you people? Click on the comments, and let me hear from you already!